The Sad Existence Of Joseph Toomey, III

If you listen to James Murphy & Pat Mahoney's Fabriclive 36, which you do, you'll notice a wonderfully antiquated but amazing song, "I Love Music." This song, was written by an artist named JT. His full name, is Joseph Toomey, III. He's never written another song. The irony of poor Joseph, is that in his great and only song "I Love Music" he discusses in his lyrics that when his mother asked what he'd do when he grew up, he responded that couldn't she see, he "loved music." The assumed logic here is that young aspiring Toomey went out and started a fruitful and bright music career. He didn't. He released one song. His entire life... is 6:36 long. He probably works as an accountant or a barber somewhere. Sorry JT.

Zipperhead

How do you cope with a reputation that's unbashedly untrue and at the same time so awfully weird it's too funny not to play up?

This is what happens when you fall out of the loop for too long.

I think I'm also addicted to the free listings on craigslist. A broken car jack? A twelve pack of pepsi? Don't mind if I do.

Radio Mix 1 - or- Audible Caramel

First radio show mix is finally up! Expect much better, brighter, butter-drenched things from Nick & I in upcoming shows, as Nick wasn't such the optimist and didn't put together anything for our show yesterday. Due to Nick's incompetence, this is a less mind-blowing single hour of music.

Starting now, every 3 to 5 P.M. on Wednesday, check out Cofc Radio and listen to a live stream of our two hour set. Will you like it? To that I say, "If you like beer." (Out of context, as it is seen by most everyone save for five other people, that comment seems fucking stupid.)

A better assessment of how much you will like it? It's better than crawling.

If you have something better to do during that time, which most likely you do, you can come here and I'll post an mp3 of the set whenever I get around to it, with badass artwork included.



Click the image for a nice marine-mammal sized version.

Download Here!

Tracklist:

01. Cut Copy - Bright Neon Payphone
02. SebastiAn - Walkman
03. Roger Troutman - So Ruff, So Tuff
04. Justice - Never Be Alone (DJ Hell's Bavarian Remix)
05. Lipps Inc. - All Night Dancing
06. Toronto - Electric Toothbrush
07. Twenny Nine With Lenny White - Citi Dancin'
08. Matthew Dear - Dog Days
09. Capsule - Feeling You
10. Casco - Cybernetic Love
11. Nicolas Vallée - New New York
12. Metro Area - Read My Mind
13. Victor - Go On Do It
14. DJ Pui Pui - Simple Life
15. The Immortals - The Ultimate Warlord
16. Château Flight - Baltringue
17. Dynasty - Strokin'
18. Data - 7 Months To Forget

Oriental Magpie Robin

I need to stop falling for the same girl.



But she's everywhere.

Irritant

In the usual fashion of public bathing, this morning's bathroom rituals blew ass. Of all the things I truly hate in this world, and the list is damn small, I just can't handle Dial soap. It's the fucking devil incarnate, and I'd rather bathe with rancid lobster bisque caked with mummified dog semen than touch that malicious yellow bar against my skin. But that's all I could find and I hadn't the patience to pull my pants back on and go buy a bar of something decent.

Window Shopper

This is in no way a cry for help.

Ever feel as if one day you'll come back to your hometown and you'll be forgotten? A moment in the past of other's that is all too corroded, the green penny inside the air vent you can't reach. That's what the last two days have felt like. I've run into several people I used to know (and technically, y'know, still know) but no one seems to acknowledge each other's presence. In my account it was more of me giving a brief glance, or a smile, but they're never returned, always stuck in the peripheral vision.

Maybe it's the loss of a distinguishing facial feature, or maybe I'm no good with acquaintances.

More On That

On January 24, 2008, Stortz was found shaved in his third-floor room on St. Phillips St. in the less church-surrounded area of Charleston. According to his roommate Nick, Stortz appeared fully bearded as he arrived home at approximately 4:30 p.m. EST with plans of mindlessly surfing the internet, entered the bathroom at about 4:45 p.m. to piss, and as he returned, found Stortz still severely fur-faced, with a puma track jacket, and grey beanie. Beard Trimmer "Conair" arrived at approximately 6:30 p.m. to give Stortz a cleaner look, and when he did not emerge by 6:40 p.m., negotiated sensible shaving ideas with no answer. Conair entered the bathroom, began to shave some thicker patches, and tried to style Stortz's face. Conair called actress Mary-Kate Olsen, whose number was very much not programmed in Stortz's cell phone. She replied she would have no part in talking to an inanimate object. After again attempting to just barely shorten Stortz's beard, Conair called Olsen again, and at 6:48 p.m. realized he had cut far too close, and had rather fucked up his beard in a severe way. Medical workers moved Stortz to the floor, used a pair of scissors and razor, and pronounced Stortz clean-shaven and baby-faced at 6:52 p.m.

Lab partners said they found the new look to be sad and worrisome, and that there were "no obvious signs" of losing a bet. An initial beardtopsy later that night proved inconclusive at determining Stortz's cause of clean shavedness. The medical examiner's office stated it will take about 10 days to have a decent stubble.

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I can too easily see the phone conversation.

"Hello?"
"Hi... who's this?"
"Oh, er... well it's Heath's masseuse..."
"Why have you got his phone?"
"Hahah oh! Um... well he's sleeping and won't wake up, you do anything to him?"
"No, haven't seen him in ages, is he alright?"
"Yeah! Well I guess, perhaps I should try and wake him up again... Nope, still nothing"
"Have you tried, oh I don't know, calling an emergency medical unit instead of calling a twenty one year old blonde chimp-faced trash bag with legs?"
"Er, well...no. Totally fun talking to you though!"

The masseuse definitely called Mary-Kate out of pure star-strucked-ness, why the fuck wouldn't you call 911 first.